This is the worst….

I don’t know how many times I find my self saying, “This is the worst; day, week, month, year of my life. Right now could not get any worse.” You want to know something? I am always wrong. Today, I realized that one of the people I care most about in the world doesn’t even care about me anymore, they have found someone to replace me. I have superglue on my fingers that I can’t get off. I choked on a lady bug that some how got in my inhaler. I got woken up by my brother because I was crying in my sleep again. I work overnight shifts, so I never really have any genuine human connection with my family. I threw a tantrum to see if anyone noticed and no one did. Then a gift that was given to me is being taken away because the person that got it for me wants to take it back and get something better…for them selves… This is just one day. One day of my small insignificant existents. Every day is worse than the next, until it’s not and then life is good, until it’s not, and over and over and over.  Then you cry until you are so numb inside that the pain fades to nothingness and you are a shell of the person people tell you, you once were.

I value the love I have for the people in my life, I just don’t value my life enough anymore to care what happens to it. One day I may save my self but for now the best is yet to come…

~Shipwrecked November

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But I Love you….

Hello?

Can you hear me?

Have you even heard a word I have said?

You are worthless, why do you even exist?

Why are you crying?

Awe, did I hurt your stupid feelings?

Why don’t you run along and slit your wrist?

Stop crying, do you want me to give you something to really cry about?

I’m sorry

Please don’t leave

I didn’t mean what I said

I promise I won’t do it again

I would never actually hurt you

But,

I love you….

 

(The best is yet to come)

~Shipwrecked November

Vacation and Goodbyes

I am so glad that I have had the opportunity to spend the summer with my family. I still have two weeks left of traveling but it saddens me that in a week I say goodbye to my brother and head to see my other brother and grandfather.  See, when I leave it is not like I can come back and see him again at least not for a year. He is a Marine and is deploying (again). These goodbyes scare me! The unknown of what he will go through is terrifies me to no end. A year of worries and hope that he will return. He is my best friend, and I love him with all of my heart!!! I am so proud that he is willing to give up his life to protect the our country! I know I couldn’t do it, I am honored to say he is my brother! Nothing is thicker than blood! Where ever you may be lil/big brother we are family and I will be waiting for you to return! I love you always and forever!!!

As always I am Shipwrecked November and the best is yet to come!

-Shipwrecked November

So many siblings…

I love my family, don’t get me wrong but some times my siblings become to much to handle. Right now my 12 year old brother is on a search for a baseball bat that I have hidden in my room. I had to stick it in my robe hanging from my bathroom door. I am annoyed by this, he just won’t go away. I have five sisters and four brothers. Being that I am the fourth oldest they all come to me for everything. The oldest ones I guess don’t understand them, so running to me became easy.

I love my siblings with all of my heart and I honestly don’t think they understand how much I truly love them. It is so unconditional it’s ridiculous. Although sometimes I just want some space!!!!!! But if I send them crazy kids away, I want them to come back cause I miss them. We have been a family for 15 years and I can’t believe it has been that long, it seems like forever some days and other days no time at all.

If you are wondering why I said 15 years, it is because we are not all from the same parents. Step-siblings is what we are. I don’t think of them as step, except the best steps of my life have been with them. The things we have been through have been on the line of heart breaking and life changing. Some how us kids have gotten through it. I can’t see my life without them in it. As much as we fight and scream and yell and torment each other I would like to believe that we do it because we love each other.

Mornings are always loud and nights are even louder. They are none stop all day long. If you watch shows like 19 and counting I would like to know how they get their kids so quite and well behaved because I swear our house is more like cheaper by the dozen. We have holes in the wall from random events, like taking sleds down a flight of stairs and hitting the wall. Not a single one of us is not off the wall goofy. I love it to be honest. No day is the same and I can never say it gets boring. With a none stop life and none stop love you can’t really go wrong. Even when I just want my space, I wouldn’t mind if all of them came pilling in to my bed, it’s moments like that I live for.

So many siblings and the best is yet to come!

-Shipwrecked November